


The Fatality of Love

by saudade (bachiraluvs)



Category: Blue Lock (Manga)
Genre: And Lots of It, Crying, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Requited Unrequited Love, Sad Ending, cursing, idk im bad at tags, lots of feels, not heavily mentioned in this one though, reo is hopelessly in love, sequel to fatal feelings, told from the perspective of reo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25681618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bachiraluvs/pseuds/saudade
Summary: reo mikage loved nagi seishiro. but love isn't always beautiful.ora sequel to 'fatal feelings' told from the perspective of reo mikage.
Relationships: Seishiro Nagi/Mikage Reo, nagireo - Relationship, reo/nagi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 44





	The Fatality of Love

**Author's Note:**

> hi again everyone! i wrote this fic in one day and i am actually super proud of it so i hope you like it too! this fic is a sequel to one of my previous fics titled 'fatal feelings'. To understand this fic i highly recommend you read that one first. also this fic is dedicated to iris (@thatkirbybitch) for giving me the incentive to write it. As always you can follow me on twitter @bachuraluvs for more content! don't fprget to leave kudos and comments!

Reo felt numb.

It was as if the world around him slowly shattered, leaving nothing but a dull pain behind. His brain couldn’t even process what he saw, what he felt. The love of his life was gone and there was nothing he could do to change it. But it's his own fault really, he was the coward. He was the one who buried his own feelings deep, he was the one who told Nagi to forget the kiss, he was the one who despite how much he loved the other pushed him so far that he needed surgery. 

Reo never meant for any of this to happen. Truly he didn’t. It was just a petty crush, at least, that’s what he thought. When he first met Nagi he couldn’t help but be drawn in by his mirthy teal eyes and mysterious demeanor. But he thought it didn’t mean much, he just thought Nagi was attractive, that was all.Yet as the days passed, Reo’s feelings grew bigger and bigger. He couldn’t help but fall for the way Nagi was always so attentive, he always knew what Reo needed and was happy to help, he fell for the way Nagi never treated him differently even with their social statuses so far apart. He fell in love with the way Nagi smiled softly at the things that amused him, how his eyes always brightened when Reo walked in the room. Reo fell hopelessly and utterly in love. 

But love isn’t kind. 

Reo learned this the hard way. He learned that no matter how much he may have loved Nagi, no matter if Nagi may return his feelings, he could never have him. He was reminded of that the night his father marched into his office and declared him an engaged man. There was no arguing, not with his father. Reo knew and he still screamed into his pillow that night, he didn’t cry because crying was weak, but he screamed. He screamed because all he wanted to do was kiss to his white haired assistant until they were both out of breath. He wanted to wake up every morning to Nagi’s strong arms holding him close and begging for five more minutes of sleep. He wanted to hold hands on the way to work and steal kisses in the elevator. Reo wanted to love Nagi for the rest of his life. 

But love is cruel. 

Reo should have noticed. He should have seen the change in Nagi, it was so obvious now that he looks back. He remembers so clearly how Nagi ran out of the room so quickly when he told him the news of his engagement. Reo didn’t expect him to run, he expected words of protest. He wanted Nagi to fight, to show Reo he felt just as strongly for him as the other did. Reo should have known, he should have known from that moment that something was wrong. But Reo wasn’t like Nagi, he couldn’t pick things up as quickly. If it wasn’t spelled out for him it was most likely Reo didn’t get it. If only he wasn’t such a fool maybe he wouldn’t be in the position he was in now. It was Reo’s own fault too, he wouldn’t let go. He would flirt to his heart's content during work hours because in his secluded office room where he and Nagi worked he could forget the real world. He could forget there was a girl he was betrothed to, he could forget his parents expectations to do anything and everything for the company, he could forget that outside these four walls Nagi wasn’t his. Instead, he liked to pretend. He liked to pretend that Nagi was his and that he was Nagi’s. It made the dull ache in his heart go away, if only for a few hours. No wonder Nagi always left so quickly, no wonder Nagi started slowly distancing himself. Reo was selfishly pushing feelings he couldn’t have onto Nagi and putting Nagi in a world of pain for his own self-preservation. It was a sick cycle. 

Love was sick. 

Then there was the flower shop incident. It was obvious then too. But Reo was blind. He was blinded by his own jealousy, jealousy he didn’t deserve to have. Except he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stand seeing Nagi be so friendly with the flower shop employee. Seeing the two interact so easily, be so comfortable around each other so quickly, it made Reo want to vomit. But not for the reasons one may think. It wasn’t that Reo was mad Nagi could find someone else, hell, he probably deserved someone else. It was the fact that if the flower shop boy wanted, he could ask Nagi out with no problem. He had the luxury of not being held back by puppet master parents and crushing expectations. Reo wanted to have a life so simple, wanted to be able to forget everything and sweep Nagi off his feet. But he couldn’t and this stupid little flower shop employee could. The idea made Reo fill with rage and act unnecessarily mean. He shouldn’t have, he should have cherished the small moments like this he got with Nagi. He should have dragged Nagi all over the flower shop asking stupid qestions just to prolong their time together. He should have tucked the pretty purple flower he found into Nagi’s hair and called him beautiful. There were so many things he should have done, but instead he let his anger fester until the point of ignoring Nagi until the other couldn’t take it and ran. Nagi ran away from Reo and it made his stomach twist. All Reo wanted was for Nagi to run towards him, yet here he was, pushing the other to the point of needing to escape. Reo tried to call, but he was brushed off. It hurt, his heart hurt. 

Love hurts. 

Then the kiss. That fucking kiss. Reo shouldn’t have done it, he knows that. He should have let it be. He should have left his feelings where they were, locked up in a small box in the corner of his heart. If he had done that maybe, just maybe, Nagi would still be in his life. But no, Reo just had to let himself get worked up. He sat in his bed the night before his wedding not celebrating with a bachelor party or thinking about the woman he would marry in only a couple hours, no, he was thinking about Nagi. He couldn’t sleep, mind full of moments he and Nagi shared. He reminisced the day he and Nagi first met. Reo had been so nervous, he had hand picked Nagi from the thousands of applicants. It was a risky decision because Nagi barely had any experience as an assistant, but Reo wanted someone to learn with. He didn’t expect Nagi to be so easy to talk with when they first met. He didn’t expect for the two of them to instantly click. They bonded on their shared nerves and love of math. Reo told a stupid joke he can’t even remember what it was about, but Nagi laughed. A small, stifled laugh but it was enough to make Reo’s heart race. He remembers the first time the two of them pulled an all nighter to finish work. They were deliriously tired, running on nothing but coffee and sheer will power. Reo told Nagi over and over again that night to just go home, he could finish it himself. But Nagi insisted, said they were in this together. He stuck by Reo’s side all night until they finally finished the project when it was all done, the sun just started coming up. So in celebration, they went to the roof of the building and watched the sun slowly descend into the sky. Reo remembers so clearly how the sunlight that morning made Nagi look like he was glowing. A beautiful orange hue outlined the other man and Reo just couldn’t look away. Nagi said the sunrise was unlike anything he’s ever seen and when Reo agreed, he wasn’t talking about the sun but the golden boy next to him. So many little things about Nagi popped into Reo’s head that night. He thought about how Nagi could fall asleep anywhere at any time, Reo would often catch the other napping in the oddest of places. He thought about how when Nagi was focused really hard on work, his nose would scrunch and lips would purse, Reo thought it was adorable. Reo knew so much about Nagi and yet he wanted to know more, he wanted to know everything. Reo wanted to know about Nagi as a kid, if he liked dogs or cats more. Reo wanted to know how it felt to kiss Nagi, he wanted to know what it meant to be loved by someone so perfect, Reo wanted to know it all. 

He doesn’t know exactly what came over him that night. Maybe he finally realized how real everything was. By tomorrow, it would be official that Reo would have to let Nagi go. That fact stung, it made his body ache in pain. Reo just wanted a taste, he just wanted to know what it meant to be loved by someone who loved him back. So he got out of bed, he put on his jacket, and he ran. He ran out of his own apartment complex, ignoring the strange looks, he ran all the way to where Nagi lived. All he could think about was his lips on Nagi’s and how that would feel. It was selfish, oh god, it was selfish. But for Reo’s whole life he was just a passenger who had no control. He let his father and his mother take the reins because that’s what he was told. He was told he was born for one purpose, to take over his father’s company and he ran with it. He knew nothing else but working hard to please his parents, to get results, He had never made a choice for himself, never tried taking anything he wanted. Just once, he wanted to know what it felt like to be selfish. For one moment he wanted to know what it meant to make his own choice. He wanted to feel loved, he wanted to feel what it meant to love Nagi. 

Because loving Nagi was beautiful. 

So Reo ran until he reached Nagi’s apartment door. He was breathing heavily, brain on overdrive. The rational part of him was begging him to turn around, to forget any of this ever even happened. He doesn’t need to put himself or Nagi through this, he should forget it, he was going to get married for god sake. But Reo wouldn’t listen, he pushed any rational thoughts out of his head and rang the doorbell. He wanted this, he wanted Nagi so bad. He was being selfish, but in this moment he didn’t care. He had the rest of his life to never be selfish again, but tonight, tonight he would take the one thing he’s wanted for so long. So he knocked on the door with urgency and when it opened, there stood Nagi. Nagi with his messy bed head, his pretty teal eyes, and his kissable lips. He was saying something, but Reo couldn’t hear it over the sound of his own heart pounding in his chest. This was it, he could turn around right now and forget anything even happened or he could take it. He could let go of every rule his parents ever drilled into his head and he could finally have the one thing he actually wanted to fight for. In the moment, it felt like the easiest decision in the world, so Reo let go of every inhibition and stepped towards the boy of his dreams. 

Reo kissed Nagi. 

In that moment, Reo felt loved. With his lips on Nagi’s and Nagi’s hands tangled in his hair, Reo felt loved. It was the most exhilarating feeling in the world. Every part of his body felt alive, in his heart there bloomed the most precious type of warmth. Reo wanted more, he never ever wanted to let go of this feeling because right now, in this moment, Nagi was his. Nothing else in the world mattered, the only thing that mattered was the two of them and the love that surrounded them. For the first time in Reo’s life, he knew what it meant to love and to be loved back. It was the best feeling in the world and he didn’t want to let it go. He never wanted to let go of Nagi because Nagi made him feel free, Nagi gave him a real reason to smile. With Nagi, Reo didn’t have to pretend, he didn’t have to sacrifice himself to make the other pleased. With Nagi, Reo was enough and Reo had never been enough for anyone before. It was addicting. 

Loving Nagi was addicting. 

When they kissed, it was as if the world around them disappeared. Right now, with their lips entangled, they were the only two people, and Reo loved it. Reo loved Nagi, he wanted to continue loving Nagi. But no matter how it felt, the world didn’t disappear and love isn’t as beautiful as it may look. Love was not kind, it was cruel and it hurt and it was sick. All of that came crashing down on Reo at once. No matter how badly he loved Nagi, no matter how much he wanted the other boy to be his forever, love was harrowing. So when the two pulled away, Reo felt his own heart crack as he looked at Nagi’s face. Nagi, the boy he loved with every fiber of his being. Nagi, the only person Reo felt he could truly be himself around. Nagi, the boy Reo would be forced to let go of. It broke something inside him and he guessed that Nagi saw it too. The eyes that once looked at Reo with love were now stone cold, the voice that once spoke to him in a gentle tone was now hard and angry. Nagi had pushed him away, told him to get out and it hurt. Reo wanted to fight back, wanted to plead for forgiveness, beg Nagi to understand. He wanted to make him see that all Reo has ever wanted was him. But Reo was a coward. He was a coward who no matter how hard he tried couldn’t shake his own inner voice, the voice that his parents molded. The voice that told him that being here was wrong, that even looking at anyone besides the girl he was engaged to was wrong, that loving Nagi was wrong. It wasn’t wrong but Reo was weak and he was too scared to fight back. So he locked away the feelings again, shoved them back in the box in the corner of his heart and threw away the key. 

“This was a mistake. Forget it happened.” He said in the coldest voice possible. But it wasn’t true. ‘Chase me, hold onto my hand and never let it go, I love you please don’t leave me’. That’s what Reo really wanted to say. He wanted to confess that the reason he doesn’t sleep is because he’s thinking of Nagi, he wants to confess that in every free moment Reo has he thinks of Nagi. But he can’t say that, in fact, he burns the thoughts as they come up. Reo walks out the door, walks out of the apartment, and he refuses to let his tears fall. He doesn’t deserve to cry. Everything that has happened is all his fault anyways. He deserves all the pain, all the suffering, so he walks home fists clenched, heart shattered, and any hopes he had crushed. 

Love is pain. 

Reo tried to forget the events of the kiss on his wedding day. Really he did. But how was he supposed to just forget the most electrifying moment in his life. He tried to focus on the face of his fiance but all he wanted to do was scan the crowd for a familiar mop of white hair. He tried to recite his vows while thinking of the girl in front of him, but all he thought about was the boy with teal eyes. He tried not to imagine he was kissing Nagi when he leaned in to kiss the bride. But he failed, he failed every single time. It was his wedding night and all Reo could do was replay last night's events in his head. He didn’t want to, it would really be better if he forgot all about it. Yet his heart didn’t beat for the girl he married, no, his heart only beat for Nagi. So no matter how hard he tried to push his emotions to the side they kept flooding back. When he mingled with the guests he wondered what people he and Nagi would invite if they had a wedding. When they ate dinner, he wondered what kind of food Nagi would want. When the vanilla cake was cut he could only think about the fact that Nagi preferred chocolate. It was like torture, the way his mind and his heart kept reminding him that it wasn’t Nagi, he would never have any of this with Nagi. Reo may be playing the part of the good son, happy to be married to such a pretty and wonderful girl, but in reality he was miserable. Every so often his eyes would wander the crowd in search of the other. But he was never there and each time it broke Reo’s heart a little bit more.

This was truly it, the end of him and Nagi. Any hopes he may have had were shattered and while Reo had already accepted that fact, it didn’t make it hurt any less. Last night was probably the last moment Reo and Nagi would ever truly share. He didn’t expect anything else from Nagi, maybe a letter of resignation but nothing more than that. What Reo didn’t expect was to wake up the next morning, still exhausted from last night and all the overwhelming emotions he felt, only to find something he didn’t recognize in the pocket of his coat. 

A letter. Not just any letter, a letter from Nagi. Reo felt his breath catch in his throat. He was there? At the wedding? How could he have not noticed? So many questions flashed in his head as he tore the letter open, almost too eager to read the contents. The hopeful part of him wanted it to be Nagi asking Reo to run away with him. The rational part knew that the hopeful part was crazy and he shouldn’t expect much. Once the letter was opened, Reo began to read. 

_ I’m writing you this letter to finally expose my true feelings. Maybe it’s selfish of me to dump this on you right after you got married.  _ No, it isn’t selfish. Reo was the selfish one. Besides, it wasn’t as if Reo truly felt anything romantic for his now wife. 

_ But after this I probably won’t ever see you again because this doubles as both a confession letter and a resignation letter. So really it’s more for me then you.  _ His heart tightened at this line. Resignation. It was official, Nagi would truly be out of his life. Reo would no longer get to sneak glances at the other boy while he typed furiously at his desk. No long would Reo be able to sit with Nagi at lunch and vent about how stupid every single one of the executives in the company were. It hurt. 

_ I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you from the day I met you.  _ Reo gasped, the shaky kind, the kind that happens right before you start to sob. He… he loved him? Reo felt like he couldn’t breath. Everything around him seemed to stop because Nagi loved him. Nagi loved him despite all his faults, despite every dumb decision Reo had made, Nagi still loved him. Reo wanted to be happy, he wanted to jump for joy. He wished this was a confession under better, prettier circumstances. But that would be naive of him and as he read the next few lines, he felt his entire world begin to crash around him. 

_ My love for you was painful. I developed a disease, one that makes flowers grow in your lungs until you cough up petals and blood. I wonder if you’ve heard of it, but you're so smart you probably already know what I'm talking about. Hanahaki disease, I developed that as a response to my one-sided love.  _ Reo almost threw up reading this. One-sided? No, Nagi couldn’t truly think Reo didn’t love him back? To think Reo thought he was so obvious and yet he was the reason Nagi was put through so much pain, so much suffering. Reo was disgusted with himself. He hurt the one person he never wanted to see sad. How awful of him. Reo felt his grip on the paper tighten along with his own heart. He could only imagine what was coming next. 

_ You were getting married, you would never love me, I thought that was enough to end the whole thing. But then you came over to my house and you kissed me like you loved my back.  _ That’s when the tears started to fall. His tears stained the paper, a reminder that it was real. Everything written in this letter was real. Nagi truly thought this. Reo was in so much pain he felt like he was dying. This was his fault, all his fault. He put Nagi through all this pain and for what? To protect himself? His image? Reo hated himself more in this moment than any other. When all he ever wanted to do was give Nagi the world, he instead broke the other boy to the point he almost died. Nagi almost died for him.

_ I thought that maybe this was it, but then you gave me that look. You looked, disgusted. I didn’t know if it was because of me or you but it doesn’t matter. I never wanted to be looked at that way again by someone I loved. So that night I decided, I would get the surgery.  _ Reo had never meant to make Nagi feel that way. He wasn’t disgusted, he was scared. Scared of his own feelings, scared of what truly letting go would mean. All he ever wanted was to love Nagi and yet somehow he managed to fuck that up too. If given the chance to redo everything, Reo would only ever look at Nagi with love. He wanted to be able to do that, he wanted to fix it. He wanted to make Nagi see that he was the only person who could ever have the key to his heart. But Nagi was getting surgery, surgery that would remove every emotion Nagi had ever felt towards Reo. There was nothing more terrifying than that in Reo’s mind. 

_ I promise by the time you read this, you’ll be too late to stop me.  _ No. Reo refused to believe this. He had to do something, anything. He had to tell Nagi he was wrong. 

_ My feelings for you will never burden you again, this will make sure of that.  _ Nagi’s feelings were never a burden. Nagi was the light of Reo’s life. He was his one and his only. Reo swore the let it all go but with all this new information he said fuck it. What’s wrong with fighting for the one you love? He couldn’t just stand by and watch as the love of his life was ripped away from him. To hell with his parents and the company and the woman he was forced to marry even though he didn’t love her. To hell with it all. Reo didn’t need them, he just needed Nagi. 

_ Thank you for letting me love you. Now this is goodbye.  _ It wouldn’t be goodbye. Reo wouldn’t let this be the end of their story. Hell or high water, Reo would stop Nagi from going through this surgery. All he wanted and all he needed was Nagi, if it meant he would be disowned and shunned from his family for the rest of his life, fine. Reo would not let this be their last goodbye, he would make this their first beginning instead. 

Love isn't kind. Love is cruel. Love is sick. Love hurt. Love was pain. But loving Nagi was beautiful and addicting. So reo would endure it all, he would do anything to have the chance to love Nagi back the way he deserved. 

So he ran. He ran faster than he has ever ran in his life. He ran faster than the night he kissed Nagi. He ran towards the hospital he knew Nagi would be at and he begged fate to give him one last chance. He was finally able to admit what he had been trying to tell himself all along. Reo loved Nagi, he loved Nagi and he didn’t want to lose him. He didn’t just want to fantasize about the future they could have, he wanted to make it really happen. He wanted to be the reason Nagi smiled, he wanted to be the only one Nagi loved, If given just one more chance, Reo would make it right again. He would buy Nagi flowers every single day to remind him that they are beautiful. He would buy him red roses to represent the eternal love he had, he would buy him orchids to represent the one of a kind love the two shared, he’d buy any type of flower nagi wanted. He would kiss him good morning and good night every single day. He would tell Nagi just how much he loved him every day. He would do it all, if just given one more chance. 

But not all love stories get a happy ending. 

When Reo reached the hospital room he knew Nagi was staying in, that’s when he saw it. He saw Nagi, the love of his life, holding hands and touching foreheads with someone else. Someone who wasn’t reo. And Nagi was smiling, that soft, pretty smile that Reo once thought was solely reserved for him. His heart crumbled. He was too late. There was no fixing the unfixable. Reo was an idiot to think otherwise. His body throbbed in pain, he couldn’t move, he was numb. Reo Mikage was in the most excruciating pain he has ever felt. He couldn’t do it. He deserved this. So he slowly started stepping away, Nagi didn’t need him. Nagi would get that surgery and he would forget all about Reo. He would move on while Reo was stuck right here, in this one moment. 

When he started to cough, it took him by no surprise. When the blood and the petals spilled from his lips, Reo didn’t cry, he smiled and he kept walking. It was only when he reached the outside of the hospital did the shaking start. It was when he reached the comfort of his own home did the sobs start. They were violent and they were loud. They held every pent up emotion Reo has ever locked away in his life. When the coughing started, Reo let it happen. He thought that he deserved it, deserved to feel the same pain he put Nagi through. He was a fool to even believe in happy endings in the first place. Nagi wasn’t his and he never would be. That was his reality and that is what he would have to live with. 

Reo doesn’t know how long he cried. All he knows is that when he was done, he sat in a puddle of blood, tears, and flowers. So many flowers he could create a bouquet. A bouquet that he would give to Nagi. That night Reo made a decision. He was done with being controlled, he was done sacrificing himself for the sake of others, and he was done being miserable in his own life. He wasn’t going to work tomorrow, he was never going back again. Reo was going to live a life of his own choice, one not influenced by the words of others. His first choice, he would ever get the surgery. Reo loved Nagi. Reo would only ever love Nagi. If that ended up killing him, then so be it. At least it was his choice, at least he would die in love. 

Love was many things, but for Reo Love took form in the body of Nagi Seishiro. That’s how it has always been and that is how it will always be. 

-fin-

**Author's Note:**

> wahh i hoped you enjoyed this fic! if you did please leave kudos and comments! and follow me on twitter @bachiraluvs


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